


Angels Would Fall

by thealphagate_archivist



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: M/M, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-03-27
Updated: 2006-03-27
Packaged: 2019-02-02 07:35:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12722334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thealphagate_archivist/pseuds/thealphagate_archivist
Summary: I see so much in Jack's eyes, what's going on in his head? How Jack really feels about Daniel.





	Angels Would Fall

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the archivists: this story was originally archived at [The Alpha Gate](https://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Alpha_Gate), a Stargate SG-1 archive, which began migration to the AO3 in 2017 when its hosting software, eFiction, was no longer receiving support. To preserve the archive, we began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2017. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are this creator and it hasn't transferred to your AO3 account, please contact us using the e-mail address on [The Alpha Gate collection profile](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/thealphagate).

Jack was bound, tightly wrapped in restraints of his own creation. He felt them slicing deeper into his soul, his body and mind weakening under the pain. 

Jack had been restrained many times in his life, dark times spent in ropes and chains. Fighting, struggling, defiant and proud, secure in the knowledge that he would be free again.

This time the bonds were too strong, woven out of a sense of duty, responsibility and love by Jack himself. They were as strong and enduring as Jack was and as infinite as the love he carried in his heart.This time he would not free himself.

The rope that's wrapped around me  
Is cutting through my skin

Sometimes he would weaken; exquisite blue eyes that shone with a love meant only for him would snare his resolve and draw him in. They whispered promises of undeniable joy and tempted him with tantalising visions of comfort and freedom. Some days all he wanted was to give in, he could feel his body's frustration at being confined. His soul wanted nothing more than to fly free in the depths of those eyes filled with love.

And the doubts that have surrounded me  
Are finding their way in

Jack knew that Daniel had fallen in love with him even before Daniel had worked it out. He remembered the night that a nervous but determined Daniel had appeared in his home and poured out the contents of his heart. He remembered clearly the look of apprehension in the eyes of his friend, tempered by the faith that Jack would save him as always.

Jack had caught him, held him as the tears fell, and reassured him as the fears surfaced. They were friends, they were fine, and they were always. 

I keep it close to me  
Like a holy man prays

Jack knew what sort of person he was, he had done things and lived through things that no one should have to experience. There was a darkness to his soul that he prayed would never touch Daniel. Although Daniel had suffered through a lot of things in his life none of them had managed to dull the radiant light visible within him. 

So Jack held his own tears inside knowing that to release them, would bring his own truths into the open. He loved Daniel, had loved him long before Daniel had even began to love Jack. He loved him beyond any limit he had ever known, he loved him in ways he could never have imagined. He loved him enough to keep it to himself.

In my desperate hour  
It's better that way

When Jack first met Daniel he had been a different person, leading a different life, a life that had ended with the death of his child and the shattering of his heart. Daniel didn't change Jacks life just by walking into the room, he did it by throwing himself in front of a staff blast that was meant for Jack. For a man he barely knew and certainly in Jacks opinion had no reason to like, he had been prepared to die. He had died.

Kneeling on a desert planet waiting for his death Jack looked up and saw Daniel walking towards him alive and uninjured. He knew then the universe still held something worth living for. 

So I'll come by and see you again  
I'll be such a very good friend

He had come back from that planet and tried to live his life, tried to be the man that Daniel thought he was. He had changed he could see that, but not enough. In some ways he was still very much the man he had always been. When the order came to go back to the Abydos and bring Daniel home Jack was both shocked and scared by the depth of his reaction.

After Daniel had come back from Abydos, Jack had found him in the hallways his heart broken and his pain clearly visible. Jack had taken him home and into his life, vowing to make sure he did everything he could to stop Daniel from being hurt ever again.

He knew he shouldn't be glad Daniel was back, not in the circumstances but he couldn't help himself. That small selfish voice served to remind Jack just how contemptible he really was. He would never be the kind of person who could have, or should have Daniel. He was grateful just to be able to love Daniel and have him in his life. To have this man love him back and call him friend was worth more than all the medals in the world.

Have mercy on my soul  
I will never let you know  
Where my mind has been  
Angels never came down  
There's no one here they want to hang around  
But if they knew  
If they knew you at all  
Then one by one the angels  
Angels would fall

Jack remembered the first time he had thought Daniel was dead. The black hollow feeling inside where his earlier hurt had only recently began to heal. The faces passing through his mind of every death that sat on his shoulders. Starting with the nameless enemy soldiers continuing through friends and comrades, building more and more painfully till it came to the beautiful smiling face of a child. A child with eyes so heartbreakingly similar to his own. 

The overwhelming denial, the refusal to add Daniels face to the list. Despair and fear, fear at having to go through this pain again, despair at knowing this time he couldn't. All of it building until the whole lot came crashing out in a moment of violence, the shocking sound of shattering glass drowning out the silent screaming.

I've crept into your temple  
I have slept upon your pew

He thought back to the time Daniel had died for real. Not died, Ascended, he'd become a higher being. It seemed someone else apart from Jack had seen the true nature of this man. Daniel had given his life to save a planet and a people that he barely knew, Jack didn't think the trade was fair.

That time there had been no mistake, no moment when the truth was realised. This time the truth was death and Jack could only watch as his heart slowly and painfully died in front to him.

Nothing stood out in any clarity from that time, the all encompassing sense of desolation had scoured any ability to feel. Jack was a walking mimicry of life. Then Daniel had spoken in his mind, asked Jack to let him go. Oma was there offering Daniel a new life. How could Jack deny that, he'd been too good for this world maybe he belonged in the next.

Jack watched Daniel leave him and only the black cloying despair he was choking on stopped him from pouring out his long held feelings. He knew if he did Daniel would stay. He knew he wasn't worth the sacrifice.

I have dreamed of the divinity  
Inside and out of you

Jack had waited for the emptiness to pass, to give way to the anger, the pain and ultimately the despair. He tried to believe in the fact that Daniel wasn't dead, that he was somewhere else. The loving whisper of a touch through his hair as he left the mountain finally melted the frozen corner of his soul that used to be his heart. Again and again he felt the slightest sense of Daniel and was comforted, until the time came when his life depended on it.

Locked in a room facing endless deaths, or worse the loss of himself altogether, Daniel had saved him again. Jack remembered his own disbelief at the sight of Daniel, his mind claiming the impossible but his heart feeling the truth. Unable to use his new powers to actually free Jack, Daniel had tried to persuade him to ascend. His belief in Jack unshakeable even as Jack refused to believe in himself. Daniel had said he was a better man than that, Jack had told him he was wrong! Daniel still didn't give up on him instead finding ways to go round the rules that governed his new existence. Hints and whispers in the ears of his friends made sure Jack would be found. Daniel's presence had given Jack the strength to survive and the time to get free. 

I want it more than truth  
I can taste it on my breath

As Jack lay safe in the infirmary Daniel said goodbye again. Jack realised then that Daniel would never leave him, the place in his life and heart that belonged to Daniel would always be there. Love didn't end no matter where you existed. Jack was comforted by his own feelings of love and longing, now as familiar as his skin and as constant as his breathing. 

I would give my life just for a little, a little death

A time came when it was Daniels turn to ask Jack for help. Even in a world with unimaginable possibilities, surrounded by powerful beings still Daniel returned to the one person whom he trusted implicitly. The one man who had never knowingly let him down. Jack did as Daniel asked, leaving himself and the others on the team facing certain death.This time when Jack asked for help Daniel didn't just work his way round the rules, he disregarded them completely. In doing as Jack asked he left himself open to the wrath of the other ascended.

For a long time Jack lived without sign of Daniel until a routine mission brought him face to face with the missing part of his life. His whole world froze in those few seconds as Daniel appeared in front of him. He was unable to speak for fear it was some terrible illusion. His newly forming joy faltered when he realised Daniel didn't remember anything, about himself or Jack. It was still Daniel though, alive and safe and coming home. It was more than Jack had ever hoped for.

So I'll come by and see you again  
I'll be just a very good friend

Slowly Daniel regained his memories. Returning to his place at the SGC, on the team, and in Jacks life. Hesitant at first as he remembered their friendship, growing more confident as his memories supported his feelings. Jack tried to be the friend Daniel remembered, dropping by his office, sharing a pizza or going out for a beer. 

Jack didn't know whether to be relieved or scared when the look he recognised as love also returned to Daniels eyes

Sometimes his own longing threatened to suffocate him. Blue eyes smiling up at him made him want to break. Long graceful hands reaching out to touch his arm made him want to scream even as the touch seared through his skin and imprinted on his soul. When those eyes turned dark in sadness and those gentle loving arms wrapped round the body he dreamt of night after night, that was when Jack was weakest. That's when the need came battering against his defences. Jack knew if he reached for him then he would never let go. 

I will not look upon your face  
I will not touch upon your grace  
Ecclesiastic skin  
Angels never came down  
There's no one here they want to hang around  
But if they knew  
If they knew you at all  
Then one by one the angels  
Angels would fall

Jack spent as much time as possible helping Daniel get his life back. He tried to ease his worries of failure. All Daniels insecurities and self doubts surfacing, as he wondered why he hadn't been good enough. As far as Jack was concerned Daniel was a better person than any of the ascended could hope to be. Strong enough to follow his convictions Daniel had seen that the ascended were wrong. 

His punishment was not caused by a failure on his part, but because of the ascended's own failings. He had held them up to scrutiny and found their self involved policy of isolation and inaction lacking. He'd made the decision to help his friends knowing what would happen. It had been Daniels choice. He had chosen his humanity rather than become something the ascended thought he should be. He had chosen to help the people he cared about. In his more generous moments of introspection Jack allowed himself to think maybe he had chosen him as well.

I'll come by and see you again  
I'll have to be a very good friend

Jack stood in the doorway and watched Daniel his head bowed over a pile of books. Even in concentration and stillness the man was a tightly coiled mass of enthusiasm and passion. Jack knew every line and expression on that beautiful intelligent face. He could recognise thoughts as they passed quickly across those startling eyes even when words weren't spoken. The wonderful intelligent mind working constantly, always jumping from one thing to the next. Jack wondered again why Daniel would love someone like him.

Daniel was the one person alive who really knew Jack. All anyone else saw was a perfect soldier, a sense of duty neatly wrapped in stars and stripes. Daniel had seen through that mask those first few days on Abydos. He had since seen all Jacks physical scars and knew of the ones hidden on the inside. All the battles of the past, both those won and those lost that had left dark scars on Jacks mind as well as his body. The bright red blood of his precious child spilling and mixing with his guilt to stain his conscience permanently. Daniel could see the tracks on his face from the tears he would never let fall. Daniel knew all these things and still loved him.

If I whisper they will know  
I'll just turn around and go  
You will never know my Sin

Jack knew he should leave before Daniel realised he was there, before it was too late. His strength to fight this was gone. All the reasons he'd maintained over the years paled in the face of Daniels unshakeable belief in him. If Daniel could find something worthwhile in him, then maybe there was. Jack still didn't think he was good enough for Daniel but then he didn't think anyone else was either. Standing there it finally occurred to Jack that maybe love, the one thing he had more than enough of was the most important qualification there was. If there was one thing Jack knew for sure it was that no one could love Daniel better than he could.

How could that be wrong? Stepping further into the room Jack decided it was time Daniel knew how he really felt.

Angels never came down  
There's no one here they want to hang around  
But if they knew  
If they knew you at all  
Then one by one the angels  
Angels would fall


End file.
